Silent Hill What We Only Wished Would Happen!
by Demon Knight
Summary: Ok...Chapter 3 is done. No witty preview now...been typing ALL BLOODY DAY for you people. Have fun with it and forgive my language...no other words fit!!!
1. The Beginning Of stupidity

This is a remake of Silent Hill 1...but I added about 20 alternate endings to it throughout the story to show what happens to stupid people. If you've ever played the game you'll notice that I left a lot out. Oh well, get over it...I hate typing. Also...I know that the names are mixed up, that's the way it was supposed to be. It's supposed to be funny, but most of my jokes are really bad. This is my first writing so please R&R!! Oh yeah...I don't own any of the characters in this game....I think Konami does.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Silent Hill"   
  
Note- whoever thought of this name is stupid as hell, doesn't anyone else hear all the creepy music and dogs going crazy and sirens and clanking metal and weird demon birds squawking and crazy old women cackling and dead nurses moaning and guns firing every which way and the fact that this town doesn't have any hills in it and....OK...I'll stop now.  
  
We see an man driving a jeep down a deserted highway. In the passenger seat is a little girl, the man's daughter, named Cybil. The man's name is Harry, Harry Bennet. He's 36, and works in the McDonald's on Highway 9. He is a very lonely man, and since his wife left him for a younger, more improved version of Harry, he keeps his daughter with him wherever he goes. They are on their way to a happy little town called "Silent Hill." Yeah, Ok...Right... They are about a mile from the town when they see a cop pass on a tricycle. Damn them thing go fast...Or does Harry's jeep just suck? After a moment, Harry sees the tricycle crashed on the side of the road. The driver is standing near it, with her thumb sticking out, pointing toward the town. Harry screams out the window, "Get a car, Bitch!" and keeps driving. The cop, flaring with anger, pulls out her gun and shoots out Harry's left rear tire. The jeep swerves and ditches into the side of a wall.  
  
About an hour later, Harry wakes up and notices his daughter is missing. He also notices that it is snowing outside. "Oh yay! Snow!" he says and gets out of the car and falls to the ground and begins to make snow angels. After an hour of frolicking in the snow, Harry says, "Oh shit, my daughter is missing!" and gets up. He begins to run in an arbitrary direction, slamming his head into a telephone pole.   
  
**********Alternate ending 1**********  
He freezes to death and dies because Cheryl doesn't save him. Hee hee.  
  
When he comes to, he is in a little Cafe. The cop who he insulted earlier is there, watching him. After he sits up, she walks over to him and hits him in the head...knocking him unconscious again.   
When he wakes up, yet again, the cop walks toward him, raising her hand again. He puts his hand up to stop her and says, "Hey...I'm sorry...just don't hit me again!" She walks over to a bar stool and starts to sit down, but misses the stool and falls flat on her ass. Harry begins laughing, but stops when the cop pulls her gun out of its holster and points it at him. Harry says, "Hey, c'mon, don't shoot. It was just funny, ya know?" She thinks for a moment, and then returns the gun to its holster. She says, "The only reason your ass ain't dead yet is because I saved you. My name is Cheryl, Cheryl Mason. I'm a cop from Brahms, the next town over. Well...actually, it's about 5 miles from here....but we'll just say that so the plot of this stupid story stays together...Oh! I mean...I was sent here by my asshole of a boss to see why all communication in this town has stopped....even Instant Messaging!" Harry has been mindlessly staring into space and says, "Un huh, Ok. Right...and I care, why?" Cheryl looks at him and says, "Why are you here, anyway?" He replies, "I was coming here on a vacation with my daughter, but when you shot my tire out; I was knocked unconscious and when I woke up I started to play in the snow. And then I noticed she was gone. I ran into a pole when I turned to head into town and then I woke up in here. Why is it snowing and foggy as hell out there?" Cheryl says, "I dunno why it's so foggy and snowy outside, but why didn't you notice your daughter was missing?" He replies, "Well, if we follow the Bad+ ending of the game, I never woke up from being in the jee....Oh shit. I keep forgetting. Well, I thought she was asleep and didn't want to wake her, so I left her there and went out to play. Plus, I was recovering from a horrific car accident, you know?"  
  
Cheryl says, " OK, I get the picture...so, what are you going to do now?" Harry says, "I guess I'm gunna go look for my daughter...you haven't seen her, have you? Tall, blonde hair, answers to the name of Cybil?" She replies, " No, Harry, I'm afraid I haven't. If you're going to stay here, though, you should have some protection. Here," she hands him a gun that magically appeared out of nowhere and says, "If you have to shoot anyone, make sure it isn't me, unless I've been possessed by some crazy old women and am trying to strangle you after my gun runs out of ammunition, OK?" She gets up to leave and nods him a goodbye.  
  
He leaves the Cafe. Harry is walking down the road called Levine Street (Yes, Silent Hill Addicts, I know how it is spelled) and walks up to the door of a house. He finds it locked, but uses the crowbar he found in the doghouse in front of the house to break down the door. When he enters the house, he heads to the back door and sees three locks on it. Also, there is a map on the wall with the words "Keys for Eclipse" written on it. Harry says, "What the fuck does that mean? Oh well.." and shoots the locks off the door. He goes through and says, "Shit, it's getting dark...Oh, duh! Daylight Savings Time! Gawd, I'm so stupid." As he heads out the back of the gate, he notices a map of the town on the fence and takes it. He says, "Yeah...got me a map..." He notices that there is a school nearby, "Sandwich Elementary School." He heads out the back gate and starts in the direction of the school. After reaching many dead ends and caved in roads, Harry says, "Shit, how much more is this bitch gunna make me walk...Oh yeah, I don't know that girl yet, I keep forgetting." He continues walking and finally reaches the school.   
  
When he enters, he says "God, talk about cutting the education budget. Jeeze!" He walks into the courtyard and sees a clock tower. He says, "Well, since I don't really wanna go looking for them friggin medallions, I'll just shoot the door down, like usual...oh yeah...he he...umm...'What's this? It looks like something could go into this little holes here...hmmm.' " He begins to explore the school, finding not only a map but also boxes of ammunition, health drinks, pictures of dead bodies, medical supplies, zombie demons, his first ex-wife, his mother-in-law, his 1st grade teacher, and Richard Simmons. He collects what he can...and kills the rest. He takes particular care in causing Richard Simmons EXTREME pain. But anyway...he also finds two medallions (whoda thunkit) and puts them into the slots in the Tower. The door still doesn't open. "Oh fuck the damn plotline..." he says and aims at the door. A booming voice comes out of nowhere and says, "No...you must go in the basement...it's a shitty example of foreshadowing!" Harry looks around and says, "Ok mom..." He goes into the school and finds the basement. There's a big red button on a big machine.   
  
**********Alternate ending 2**********  
He hits the button. A loud whirring and grinding noise can be heard. Suddenly, the machine blows up, killing everyone within 10 miles of the school.  
  
He hits the button. Nothing but a small click can be heard, but Harry knows that big things come in small packages. He goes back up to the courtyard and sees that the door to the clock tower is open. He climbs into it and down a long ladder. There is a door with a "Keep Out" sign on it. He goes through, saying, "Fuck you, sign."  
  
**********Alternate ending 3**********  
When he goes through the door, Harry is in the President's secret underground bunker. A bunch of super cool FBI guys say, "ID please." Harry says, "Umm...I don't have any ID." They reply, "No ID, no agenda, no pass." and shoot him dead.   
  
He is in the courtyard again, even though he acts as if he's never been there before. He sees a giant arcane symbol on the ground. It seems to be written in blood, but he completely ignores this. Harry goes to the back door of the school and enters into the hallway. He goes into the first door he sees and is in a huge room with a giant ventilation fan slowly and rustily spinning around in a huge grate. there is blood splattered over the whole contraption, on which Harry slips.   
  
**********Alternate ending 4**********  
He trips and falls into the fan, thereby decapitating himself.   
  
He falls onto what appears to be a gurney. He screams, saying, "Wait a minute, the gurney isn't in here until the scene in the front lobby." The booming voice from before says, "Oh yeah..." and the gurney disappears. He leaves the room.  
  
When he re-enters the hallway, he comes across a young man with a camera swinging around his head. Harry says, "Umm...who are you?" The young man replies, "Umm...I'm Bill with MTV's hit show that got cancelled Fear...who are you?"   
  
Harry slaps his head in stupidity and yells, "Duh!" 


	2. Stupidity and Bad Movies

Ok...as all who are reading this chapter know, this is part two of my Silent Hill fic, which takes Harry through Sandwich Elementary School up to the Church. If you really want more of this, review or e-mail me (NightSorceror87@aol.com). Thanx to all the great reviews. And now, on with the stupidity known as Silent Hill.  
(Oh yes, I own none of this, Konami, yeah...)  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Not-so-Silent Hill...Part 2: Crazy People and bad movie actors  
  
As Bill walked of into the darkness, he dropped a little beeper from his pack. Harry says, "Yeah, got me a beeper. There's lots of shit lying all around here for me to snatch." Suddenly, the beeper begins to go off, playing Britney's "Oops! I did it again!" as a buzzer. He looks around, seeing a small girl in the center of the room. He walks towards her, not realizing that it is actually the crazy girl from "The Ring." Harry taps her on the back. He doesn't realize it ,(like he doesn't realize much) but there is water all around her, her hair is pulled in front of her face, and she is wearing the dress Madonna wore to the Emmy's last year. Harry says, "Umm, excuse me, but have you seen my little girl anywhere. Tall, blonde hair...answers to the name of Cybil?" The girl, who's already crazy enough when she forgets to take her Prozac, turns around (which is hard to tell because of the ghetto hair) and grabs Harry around the throat .  
  
**********Alternate ending 5**********  
Harry, being like every other horror movie star, struggles aimlessly and dies in an overly dramatic pose.  
  
Harry pulls out his gun and shoots that bitch down. (YaY!) She stumbles back, and then falls to the ground in a bloody heap of skin and an inch of silk. He says, "Wow, this beeper must go off whenever bad acting is taking place." The booming voice from before yells, "No, dumbass, it goes off whenever there are people trying to kill you in the room." He replies, "You know, mom, you're supposed to be in the home now. How do you keep talking to me?" There is no response. He walks off, exploring the school, finding more ammunition, dead bodies, more extras from horror movies, and Jennifer Lopez. Not only does she sing, dance, and act- now she's in bad video game parodies! Harry doesn't waste any time in killing and throwing her body into the pile of other dead celebrities in the fan room. When he reaches the basement, he suddenly has a revelation to look behind him (something horror stars NEVER do.) There is OJ Simpson, pointing a shotgun at him. Harry asks, "What are you doing?" OJ replies, "I aint doing nothing, why are people always asking me that?" He tries to pull the trigger, yet the pair of black gloves he is wearing is to small for him and stop his finger mid-pull. "Oh fuck it," OJ yells and throws the gun at Harry. He runs off, dropping the gloves and a knife on his way. Harry picks up the gun, saying "I might need this for the big demon in the basement...oh yeah...'This might be of use...'"   
  
He walks up to the revolving spike door, seeing that there are two little wheels and a bunch of pipes around it. He says, "Gee, am I supposed to sit here for three hours trying to figure out how to open the gate? I don't think so..." and crawls between the bars. He comes out in front of an elevator. He gets in it, deciding that nothing can go wrong at this point.  
  
**********Alternate ending 6**********  
After the elevator is in motion, he hears a grinding noise, and in moments the elevator plunges to a deadly crash; making many tendrils of smoke and fire appear.  
  
When the elevator reaches the 50th level basement, he walks into a room that has a small fire pit in it. In the middle of the pit, there is a giant lizard looking thing that is actually the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. Harry runs around, screaming "Oh my god...Oh my god...Oh my god...Oh my god...Oh my god..."  
  
**********Alternate ending 7**********  
The lizard, tired of hearing him, kills Harry and serves him to his children in the sewers..  
  
Harry loads his shotgun, of course dropping half of the shells in the process. He shoots at the T-Rex, but of course it is nothing more that a computer image and the bullets go right through it. He sees a small laptop on a table across the room, and putting two and five together, shoots it. As the deadly dino dastardly downloads downward (Ha alliteration is cool...) He screams out "I'm melting, I'm melting, damn you Enron, damn you!" Harry walks toward the laptop, keen on checking if it works so he can check his AOL account for mail, but trips.  
  
**********Alternate ending 8**********  
He falls into the fire pit, burning to death while thinking, "Now I know what a marshmallow feels like..."  
  
He trips and bangs his head on the table, thereby knocking himself unconscious (From this point on, I want to see how many time he gets knocked out...1...)When he comes to, a little girl is running around the room, and when Harry sees her, she stops and gapes at him. For about ten minutes they stare into each other's eyes. Eventually Harry gets bored and shoots her, like he shoots everything, and takes her house keys from her. "Kaufman...what a weird name," he said as he noticed the small tag on the ring. He gets up off the floor and walks out of the basement. He says, "Wait a minute, how did I get out of that freaky pit room?" Suddenly the world around him begins to waver and he is knocked unconscious. (2) When he comes to, he says, "Ok...no more pointing out holes in the plot. This game is like a big piece of Swiss cheese." Again the world begins to waver, but he says, "Ok Ok...I get the point..." Bells begin to sound. Harry says, "I wonder where they are coming from?" Again the Voice says, "Go to the fucking Church, you retard! Jeeze..." "Ok I better head to the Church...I'm so smart..." he replies, as if the Voice hadn't told him. (Duh...) He leaves the school, passing a bus on his way out. "Why should I go in a bus? I haven't been a student for 2 years..." he says (BTW- Harry is 30...big surprise...I know). He walks on, eventually reaching a row of houses. How he picks the right road is a mystery, but he enters a house using the key.   
  
**********Alternate ending 9**********  
Out of pure hatred of stupidity, your Author kills Harry in an overly dramatic way. he deserves it. But for those of you who are actually trying to make sense out of this, lets say he opens the door and some woman shoots him in the head because this is McGruff house...you know...shoot anyone NOT dead already....yeah.  
  
The house is badly decorated, and has a smell of cats. When he enters it, two demon children are making out on the couch. He says, "Get a room, you two freaks..." They get up, pulling knives out of their skin (???) and advance on him. He pulls out his gun and begins to shoot at them, yet the gun makes that Oh too Familliar "outta ammo waa waa waaaa" noise. He looks at it, and says, "How the fuck d'you reload this." Suddenly, Cheryl appears and instructs him on it. She the leaves, kicking the children out the door with her.   
  
He goes out the front door and begins to walk down the road. He passes the Church three time3s before he notices the big cross in front of it. As he walks in, an old-timey couple carrying pamphlets approach him. "Have you found Jesus yet, Son?" He backs away, drawing his gun, saying, "Yeah, he's in Heaven. Say Hi to him for me, will ya?" He, of course, shoots them. (is that really such a bad thing...?) he enters the Church (Why am I capitalizing it? I want someone to tell me why this cult leader is in a Church with some Wiccan stuff...remember that each time you see it...) to find an old white woman on the altar with her legs spread.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
It's not what you think...Or is it? Hmmm...dirty mind is wandering (he he he) If you want more review. Sorry it took ages to write Chapter 2...Chapter 3 is in the making.  
  
Also, I'm looking for someone to discuss the game with. E-mail me (again NightSorceror87@aol.com) if you have no life and wish to hold aimless conversations with me.  
  
\\DemonKnight// 


	3. Dead Hookers and The Hospital Oh yeahfit...

Ok...my public! I have returned with yet another chapter of this ridiculous story! I can almost hear some of you vomiting in disgust (Ah...the sound of vomiting and moaning in the darkness...my friends) Any-who...this chapter will take Everyone's Favorite Small Town Idiot from the church to the hospital. I was originally going to have Chapter 2 do that...but...tough luck...get over it. This isn't even real! And now...on with even more Stupidity. Oh yeah- shout out to Vero- you're my muse for this chapter. Viva los Weirdos! Mwahahahaha! (Why'd I laugh like that???) Oh yeah- insert disclaimer here.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
I'm really sick of writing titles, so fill in your own witty title here --------------------------  
(But for those who are writing impaired- Not so Silent Hill ~ Dead hookers and Weird Hospitals)  
  
On top of the Altar, a woman was laying with her legs spread. Harry backed away slowly, but woman jumped up and slowly advanced on him. "Your coming was foretold, foretold by Pyromancy." (Note- Pyromancy is a fire thing- not Gyromancy- and ancient fortune telling thing in which idiots got dizzy and stumbles onto letters. Dhalia anyone?) Harry says, "And what, praytell, were you just doing?" The woman shuffles for a moment and says, "I was practicing, practicing for my new part in this movie, I play a stripper." Harry replies, "Oh, OK. Who are you?" The woman replies, "You are the light, and you must stop the encroaching darkness which is sweeping, sweeping over the town." Harry says, "Ok...I don't care...and why do you keep fucking repeating certain words?!" She stops for a moment, glancing around the room, and says "Its supposed to add to the effect of teh game- ya know, it makes me look intelligent...didn't you read the script?" Again, the Booming Voice from Above speaks, "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE DAMN SCRIPT, THE IDIOTS WHO ARE PLAYING THIS DON'T KNOW THAT YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY A BAD DREAM DREAMT UP BY STEPHEN SPIELBERG!!!"  
  
**********Alternate ending 10**********  
The Booming Voice from Above gets so angry that she ends the world and kills Harry similarly to the way killed in Ending 9. No great loss.  
  
Harry looks around the Church, finally popping and pulling out the shotgun. He begins shooting around aimlessly, while the voice laughs maniacally and screams, "You cannot shoot me...I am in Holland! We have a big shield that stops mostly everything! Mwahahahahaha!" Harry says, "Damn you Dutch...Damn you!" Suddenly Harry is knocked unconscious by some unseen force (I wonder who, Vero...3 on the Unconscious count) When he awakens, the mysterious woman is gone (Can someone explain to me why she doesnt tell Harry her name...?)  
  
**********Alternate ending 11**********  
Your Author appears again, maddened. He walks up to the crazy person who is impersonating him and writing all of these non funny jokes. The impersonator pulls out a deck of Yu Gi Oh cards and challenges your Author to a duel. He accepts, and, to make a long story short, summons the Dark Magician with 5 equip cards and defeats the impersonator. However, while watching, Harry gets caught in slipping the impersonator some cards. Your Author makes a hole appear below him and sends him to Samael's apartment in Hell. Wanna fuck with me...do ya Harry. Hmmm....I'll show you...  
  
Harry walks up to the Altar. On it, there are many things, including a dildo, a cat and nine tails, a key, and a pyramid looking thingy. He takes the key and dildo and begins to leave. Then, another revelation hits him and he takes the pyramid thing (Why he takes it, I do not know...that damn thing isn't really important to the plot of the game.)  
  
**********Alternate ending 12**********  
Your Author, the Idiot, forgot to kill the impersonator guy who is trying to point out holes in the game's real plot. Wanna fuck with me, you damn psychopath, I'll show you...(Oh yeah, Harry shoots himself because he gets so annoyed at Your Author for taking so fucking long to kill this muther fucker.)  
  
Harry walks out of the Church, and began heading down the road, humming "Mary Had a Little Lamb." However, when he least expects it, The Thing, formerly known as Pyramid Head, appears and tries to kill him with that big ol' knife of his. Since The Thing, formerly known as Pyramid Head has no eyes, it misses Harry and he takes the chance to kill it (BTW- I haven't played that much SH2, so bear with me on all that. If you're that worried though, just change Harry to James and make all other necessary changes.) As he walks off, Harry hears The Thing, formerly known as Pyramid Head say, "Take this...it fills in YET ANOTHER hole in the plot." The Thing, formerly known as Pyramid Head is suddenly thrust into the Alternate world an is eaten by the real Silent Hill monsters, not those tacky doors and dolls in SH2.  
  
**********Alternate ending 13**********  
Damn impersonator....babbling on about SH2. Harry sets so mad he fires at the gas tank nearby and kills us all. Of course, I use Priori Incantatem and bring me and Harry back and we continue. (HP...I know)  
  
As he is walking along, he becomes aware of someone following him. When he looks, there is a woman scantily dressed and half her face is missing. She says, "Hey sailor, you wanna have a good time? I know a motel we can go to...its full of drugs and bad movie references.   
  
**********Alternate endings 14**********  
Harry is disgusted by the whore. However, he is a bit frisky and...HARRY!!! GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY TYPEWRITER!!! Ahem... Harry shoots the whore because he doesnt want DHIV (Dead Human ImmunoDeficiency...haha)   
  
**********Alternate ending 15********** (Wow...two n a row...cool.)  
I kill her because she's like everyone else in this God damned story and fucking up the plot. harry shoots himself because heis denied of sex.  
  
Harry reaches a small building, and beyond that there is a small raisey bridgey thingy. He enter the building, and walks over to the PC there, again, keen on checking his mail. However, I make the PC disapear and a keyhole appear. Harry mutters, "Asshole..." and walks away. The world begins to waver and he is knocked out (4) When he awakes he mutters more obscenities and places the key in the hole. Sound erupts from the console and then all is still. he walks out and crosses the bridge.  
  
As he comes out on the other side, he sees that there is a map pasted on the Very Oddly Similar fence from before. He takes it, and sees that there is a hospital nearby, and since it is circled and underlined on the map, heads there. As he enters the rusted gates, they fall off and he runs away, fearing he might be arrested for defacing public property. (Dumbass)  
  
The lobby is dark, and suddenly, something is heard in the next room. Harry heads towards there, but suddenly  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
MWAHAHAHAHAHA- now you have to read on! More to come, and believe me...it isnt gunna be Kaufman with another name in the next room! Please review...they're really cool.   
  
Also...anyone who knows anything about SH3 and 4...e-mail me or include it in the review.  
  
\\DemonKnight// 


End file.
